How is Narcissism Tolerated and Rationalised as a Cultural Aspect in India

In Indian culture, narcissistic behaviours are tolerated and rationalized by misinterpreting them as tradition, duty, or parental love. This occurs within a highly hierarchical social structure where power dynamics often enable abuse. Cultural enablers, such as joint family systems and societal pressure, normalize these behaviours, making it difficult for survivors to recognize or address the abuse.

Normalizing abuse as tradition and duty

Disguising abuse as love: Manipulation, gaslighting, and other forms of narcissistic abuse are often re-framed as acts of "love, tradition, or duty". Victims are conditioned to accept and even defend these behaviours. Examples of gaslighting include being told, "They're your spouse—they love you," or "You're being ungrateful. They sacrificed so much for you".

Weaponizing tradition: Narcissistic individuals exploit traditional structures, such as arranged marriage, the joint family system, and filial piety, to justify their control and abuse. For instance, a narcissistic spouse may use their perceived "traditional" role to dominate their partner while being seen as virtuous by others.

Rationalizing a partner's behaviour: In the Indian family structure, a narcissistic partner's abuse may be rationalized by the wider family and community as strictness or a form of tough love. This creates a narrative that reinforces the abuser's control and minimizes the victim's pain.

Using “What will people say?”: The powerful social expectation encapsulated in the phrase “Log kya kahenge?” (What will people say?) is often used to silence abuse survivors and maintain the family’s image. This fear of societal judgment discourages victims from speaking out and holds them back from healing.

Enabling through social hierarchies

Hierarchical family structures: Indian culture's inherently hierarchical family and social structures create a fertile environment for narcissism. Individuals in positions of power, such as husbands, mothers-in-law, or older relatives, can unleash narcissistic behaviour on those with inferior status, such as wives or daughters-in-law, who are dependent on them.

Newfound power and abuse: When individuals move up the family hierarchy, they may turn into abusers themselves. A long-suffering daughter-in-law, for example, may become a vicious, narcissistic mother-in-law after gaining status, as her new-found position empowers her to do so.

Isolation of victims: The tight-knit nature of Indian social structures can make it difficult for victims to escape abuse. The same cultural obligations, rituals, and family dynamics that enable narcissism also make it hard for a survivor to sever contact with their abuser. Therapists in India may focus on emotional detachment rather than "no-contact" decisions, as isolating from family is not always realistic.

Money and status as shields: In some cases, a narcissist's financial generosity towards other family members can make it appear as though the abuser is a devoted family member. This can isolate the primary victim, whose complaints are dismissed or ignored by relatives who are content with the financial benefits.

Normalizing selfishness as self-interest

The survival excuse: In some online discussions, the normalization of narcissistic traits like selfishness and greed is attributed to a society focused on survival. This perspective suggests that people are too preoccupied with fending for themselves to prioritize being "good," especially when such behaviour isn't always rewarded.

Prioritizing image over kindness: Some observers note that Indian society often values success—such as a good job, marriage, and children—more than basic kindness or ethics. A person may be rude to service workers, but if they project a successful image approved by a socially conservative society, their narcissistic and unethical behaviour may be overlooked.